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Radio City Music Hall, New York [8/29/02] Hey, the MTV Video Music Awards were on, and it was fun to recap it last year, so I feel somehow compelled to do it again. (I have no recording device, so this is in real time.) Also, I missed the Grand Red Carpet Entrance Of All The Future Nobodies Of Pop, so there might have been some prime insights from opening interviews that I missed. Sorry, kids. * * * My only disclaimer here is that these are my opinions, gleaned from watching the show once. Which means I'm watching the show as I type, so I'm missing things and attributing added importance to others. That said, my powers of observation are better than yours or yours or yours, and I do have eyes in the back of my head. So this can serve as an accurate record of the evening's events. At least the parts that were even remotely relevant. So. Did they actually start with Bruce Springsteen playing outside? Yeah. Damn. It was misty and all tonight, and it was a great effect, truly working with the tone of the song. And damn, but that's a good song. After hearing him sleepwalk through the last decade, delivering muted, personal performances that were real hard to connect to, it's absolutely lovely to hear him rock out and show an audience some of the pure joy I remember and love most about him. Jimmy Fallon's opening songs and super costume changes, from Eminem ("You'll finally get a chance to see/some music played on MTV") to White Stripes to Shakira to Dave Matthews to Nelly to Enrique, with the James Brown cameo at the end (did they really need to flash his name on every screen in the place? I don't care what you think of him - who, especially in the music world, doesn't know who he is? And if you don't, why are you reading this?) When he introduced Britney Spears ("heah sh'izz, Britneh Spizz!") and she introduced birthday boy Michael Jackson, who delivered a nearly human-sounding thank you speech. You know it's gonna be a party for the ages when you hear the announcer come back from commercial and say, "And now, singer and songwriter, Jennifer Love Hewitt." Fortunately, she simply introduced Pink, and after two songs, we've already had a better night in the live performance department than all of last year's show combined. (I met Pink once. She's about four foot tall, but she really is that hot. I stood beside her for about thirty seconds, and I got a tan. That's how hot she was.) Hey! Alicia Keys has a second song! How is DMX a "Breakthrough" artist? Unless they're talking about breaking through from obscurity to has-been without the mess of actually having been anybody in the first place. I feel like the last person on Earth to have not seen the White Stripes video for "Fell In Love With A Girl." It's inspired. I like the White Stripes anyway, but now they're a pair to cheer for. And the way they thanked Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen for presenting, they were clearly as bewildered as I was as to why they were there. (Oh my god, how did Tom Green get to do another movie? How has he not been run out of Hollywood on a rail by now? He has sucked and sucked, worse and worse, in everything he's ever done, and now that he's not even celebrity arm candy anymore, there's no reason for anyone to even humor him now.) Is Anthony Kiedis trying specifically to look like Ben Stiller? Because, you know, it's working. There was a Saturday Night Live sketch once ("A Very Special Blossom") where Mike Myers as a completely inarticulate Joey Lawrence did an impromptu video called "Whoa," which was all Joey said. I couldn't help but think of that while watching the nominees for Best Rap Video. Satire has to keep ahead of reality, and sometimes it's tough. After the guy from "Jackass" stuck the mic in his mouth and the other guy smacked him hard in the back of the head, and then they stapled the winner's card to his belly, well, shee-it, I can't wait for the movie! I like the foreign-video style effect on the cameras for the show. It makes the whole show look like it's happening somewhere in Italy or something, which is kind of cool. I like Busta Rhymes a lot -- I think he's a lyrical genius, and no one can rock his voice to more different rhythms with gun-quick precision -- man, when he's on, his shit is a work of art. But that Pass The Courvoisier song? Stop it. It's terrible. When Kate Hudson was introduced, they played her onto the stage to a Black Crowes song, and you could read her lips as she whispered to Heath Ledger, "Oh my god, that's my husband's band! They're playing his song!" Listening to Shakira play, I realize that aside from the whole South America thing, she's playing basically a '50s rockabilly queen, an unbelievably sexy hellcat with jungle drums and twangy guitars rocking the two and the four, hard. And I thought it was a gutsy move toss herself into the crowd, eight seconds before the song was to end. That could have been less telegenically disastrous, especially because, well, I bet y'all a dollar I'm going to go to some party sometime in the next six months and some guy is going to claim he was in that dance pit and grabbed Shakira's ass ("Wanna sniff?"). I'd make that bet with any of you. People are better dressed this year than last year. There's definitely a 70's loose leather and comfortable fabrics thing that gave everyone a bit more of a laid-back look. (Jeans! Imagine someone wearing jeans last year! Times must be tough this year. Everyone's dressing all proletarian-style now.) All the people I know who still listen to pop (who has an opinion, that is, so like, eight people) hates Avril Lavigne. I don't know her too well. I don't like the song she was issued to sing, but I don't give her enough credit to hate her. She's something like eight years old, fergawdsake. The fact that she's already letting fame go to her head tells me that she doesn't have one hundredth the staying power of, oh just frex, the Olsen twins. Um, David Lee Roth and Sammy Hagar really hate each other's guts, don't they? Watching them force out twenty seconds of banter was like watching two bitter lizards trying to occupy the same spot on a rock someplace. (And for Best Rock Video? I wasn't crazy about any of these bands, though it was nice to see a director come up and accept an award for a video he directed. Props to Linkin Park for having the class to actually invite the guy up with them. I would have thought that was a given at a Video Awards show. I don't know.) The sets for the various performances are unbelievably ornate. Eminem's mocked up the floor of the U.S. Congress, complete with old white "Representatives" to tut-tut his histrionics and heckle and throw paper at him from behind. (I do like that "Without Me" song. I think he's finally figured out how to do the personal-diary-as-platinum-rap-act schtick so that it doesn't kill him.) It's sad that Left Eye Lopes died -- she was the real star of TLC, even if she was nuts -- but the fact that the two remaining members were dragged out on stage to cry for a minute on national TV seemed a bit wrong, like we shouldn't be watching this. And you know, I like No Doubt, even if I don't like the song they won twice tonight for (it's not a song, and it's not a good enough groove to stand as a groove, especially for a band that specializes in groove songs), and I'm glad they got up twice, and the first time Tony Kanal and Gwen Stefani got to talk, and the second time, they let the other two guys whose names I don't know do all the talking. It may not be insanely classy in and of itself, but it does show that they actually are considerate of others, which is real nice. Run DMC should not have to say things like: "We're on tour right now with Kid Rock and Aerosmith ... well, it's a big deal for us." Okay. Puffy. I savaged him last year, and I'm trying to find something positive to say about him. He is better dressed than last year. He let Busta Rhymes up with him to kick it for the second half of his show. He clearly knows how to take care of his friends. All of these things are way cool. Oh, okay. I can't keep that up any longer. Some people, when they do an homage, mean it in the sense of "these people deserve more props than they got," or "these people influenced me and I wanted to give them a shout on my dime." Isn't that what homages are for? I thought so. So the Michael Jackson dance-alike made sense, even if all he showed moves-wise was that Michael was one hell of a great dancer. And I don't get the rest of it: the Hammer breakitdown was there why? And the whole cast-of-millions tribute to Kriss Kross? Kriss frikken Kross? Puffy, Puffy, Puffy. In other news. Although it bordered on trashy, Lisa Marie Presley looked pretty hott in a BITE ME t-shirt and leather mini. And she got to carry the intro pretty much all by herself beside Avril Lavigne, who only got to say "Yeah, what she said." Damn right. I think Pink really was too hammered to talk properly, to the point where the piggyback she got to the podium might have been a good idea, and it was funny that her pants were so big she had to hang on to them to keep from falling down. Jennifer Lopez (back to using her full name, a good move) is dressed way better than last year. Her full black dress is elegant and fits her perfectly. Now, she should still put those puppies back in the dress, but it's nothing that maybe a button couldn't fix. Giuliani coming on to "Rudy Can't Fail" was cute, even if he didn't quite get that people were going to boo him until he started talking and then they'd calm down. Eventually he figured it out, but there was an uncomfortable few seconds there. And while the 9/11 tribute was appropriately touching and obligatory, and Sheryl Crow's accompanying song was uncharacteristically long and overwrought (her songcraft is one of her strong points), it was a step up for her from last year, where she got most of her air time just after the end of the show, where Kurt Loder or whoever was at the side door of Lincoln Center trying to find someone to interview and caught Sheryl trying in vain to catch a cab, while she was clearly not thrilled about having had to sit through what wound up being a bit of a love fest for her ex, Kid Rock. (Her taste in men is one of her weak points.) Elton John, in his video, was wearing the same thin-white-striped three piece suit Anthony Kiedis was earlier. Just saying. And the moment when (the way, way underdressed) Christina Aguilera had to give Eminem his award was so uncomfortable for both of them (when she opened the envelope, you could hear her mutter, "Hm, interesting.") that when Em got surly while reading from his thank you list (shortly after picking a very real and public fight in the aisle with Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, who happens to be -- listen up, Em -- a puppet), the crowd really turned on him and he cut it short. The "Battle of the Bands" between the Hives and the Vines was no battle at all. The nattily-dressed Stonesophilic New Yorkesque Hives on the side of the stage, Vines on the big stage with the lights and flash pots and going last they got to destroy their kit and get all messy, L.A. style (I don't know where either of these bands are from, I just got this feel about it). They were both fine - I'd go see either of them again. Like I said, the music itself was better this year, which made the whole thing watchable. You didn't need U2 (or any other allegedly major all-world band, and yes I'm foreshadowing) to salvage an otherwise moribund evening. So what does Justin Timberlake do in his first ever solo show, ever ever in the history of the world (I'm just repeating what the nameless deep-voiced woman announcer, Jimmy Fallon and Brandy with her actually kinda disturbing mommycleavage made an emphatic point of saying) do but bring four dancers on and dance in unison with them? If that's what he really wanted to do, um, he did have a band he could have done it with. And the fedora and the gloves? Dude. Even Michael's moved on from that look for a reason. At one point during Jimmy's "Lance Bass In Space" bit, Jimmy as Lance said "I accidentally launched myself into space," and someone in the crowd, right on cue, yelled "Dos Vedanya!" Guns & Roses was the big wait-for-it ending? Jeezus. I don't recognize anyone in that band anymore (was that Tommy Stinson on bass? Oh god, it is, isn't it.) Axl Rose -- where to start. Well, Terence Trent D'Arby's dreads on your ugly mug are just wrong, especially with the bandana and some floppy hat over them. But style was never your strong suit. And dude, medleys are so Branson, Missouri. One more thing, Axl old bean: was the "80" on your jersey your age, your IQ, or the last year you were cool? So how can they say that G & Fricken R was absolutely the highlight of the show when Bruce Springsteen, especially on this "New York Heals" version of the awards, kicked the show off? It was nice to have a host who was genuinely enthused abut being there, though. Jimmy Fallon was a damn sight better than Jamie Foxx last year, but Foxx is as painful to watch as anyone I've ever seen, so that's not saying a whole lot. But I enjoyed the music more this year. I feel better about the music world than I did last year, for exactly this reason. Rock and Roll is back on the radar, and everyone is doing a better job of trying to keep it a little bit more real than the complete vacufest that was last year. So that's three hours of TV in about 2500 words. If you've read this far, you are a very patient person. Peace out. - Tony Hightower |
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